RADIOGRAM No. 42/SB dated 01.07.1965

***TOP SECRET. FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY.***

Comrades polar explorers, testers, and valiant snow-workers! We acknowledge your steadfast labor in testing our polar expedition.

The Central Committee of the All-Union Polar Expedition (CC APE) proudly reports: 

•  Casualties/MIA during testing: 616 "Mikhalych" units (including one accidentally locked in the toilet). 
•  Heroism quota exceeded by 217%! (Certificates to be mailed.) 

We duly commend your tenacity and refusal to vacate the driver's seat.

Good news. 

A new operative has joined the CC APE ranks (after thorough vetting, interrogation, and Special Department clearance). We shall now redouble efforts to surpass our targets.

Coming soon: 

•  We've prepared -        ***CLASSIFIED***.
•  You'll be amazed by -   ***CLASSIFIED***.
•  Most importantly -      ***CLASSIFIED***.

We trust you appreciate our grand design and await the next transmission eagerly.

Progress Report:

1. Regrettably, we've reinstated unrestricted workstation departure privileges.
2. Conducted additional crew briefing. They now know what, when, and how to inform you.
3. Added an "Escape" button (removed last minute to prevent desertion incidents).
4. Per workers' requests: installed lighting in poorly lit areas.
5. In solidarity with foreign comrades: crew learned English. (Mind the flags.)

Command's Parting Words: 

To veterans recently returned: You've earned bonus rations (two tinned stew cans + commendation in personnel file), plus brief leave and High Command gratitude. Await further orders.

To newcomers: Welcome to the ranks of valiant Soviet polar explorers! We anticipate robust and productive cooperation.

Special gratitude to our "Sponsors of the Bright Future"! All funds will upgrade equipment, award bonuses, and propagate our ideals among the masses! Join the Sponsors – soon we might afford technology's newest marvel: "new adding machine" (unless cannibalized for parts).

P.S. 

Canned goods WILL be issued. This is an order.